Former prostitute Old Mother Riley imagines the reactions of the young men in the Irish counties of Sligo, Leitrim, and Roscommon who now ridicule her if she invited them over and shared stories of her past: She was once Patrick Braden, “sweetness pussy kit-kit” (2), lover of many masculine men.

Braden shares that a man named Terence persuaded her to write about her life, calling her “a scribe.” Terence especially liked the parts about “Whiskers,” which is the name Braden uses for her foster mother. She calls the manuscript The Life and Times of Patrick Braden. Braden adds that Dr. Terence vanished suddenly, which hurt Braden deeply.

Chapter 1 begins The Life and Times of Patrick Braden. On a beautiful Christmas morning, Father Bernard McIvor prepares for Mass. He no longer believes in Christmas, ever since the day in 1955 when he had sex with a beautiful girl. When she became pregnant, he arranged for her to leave Ireland for London to avoid scandal. He is the unacknowledged father of Patrick Braden. Braden grows up in poverty with his alcoholic, foul-mouthed foster mother, Whiskers, and six half-siblings, all from different fathers, an “ALL-IRELAND FUNCTIONAL FAMILY OF THE CENTURY” (7).