Most women search for love in hopes of finding recognition of their value because they cannot see their own value, and they do not trust their own perceptions of self and others. When hooks was young, she felt pride in herself. However, her mother would shame and humiliate her for her literary interests but later speak about her reading with pride. hooks was confused by her mother’s mixed messages, which hooks attributes to her mother thinking that hooks thought she was smarter than her. Women often sacrifice their talents and dreams to be dutiful daughters, wives, and mothers, which can lead to resentment and rage. Mothers with unrealized dreams and gifts then become jealous when their daughters become actualized, leading them to attempt to stifle their daughters’ passions or destroy their self-esteem.

Society encourages this mother-daughter competition, as patriarchy pits women against each other, and mothers fear aging in a culture that seems to only value youth. hooks cites a number of examples of this competition, from literary works from Kathryn Harrison’s The Kiss to the fairytale of Snow White. hooks states that female competition stems from women’s inability to affirm exceptional women, while men are comfortable affirming exceptional men.